Mum asked us to pick up some dog food from the New World as it was on special. We were standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind us asked if we had a dog. Mike told her that no, that we were starting the “Dog Food” diet again, although we probably shouldn’t because he ended up in the hospital last time, but that he’d lost 50 pounds before waking up in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.

He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with dog food nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so he was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with Mike’s story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if he’d ended up in the  hospital in that condition because he’d been poisoned. He told her no, it was because he’d been sitting in the road licking his balls and a car hit him.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door. Stupid cow……….why else would we buy dog food??