It’s the day we have come half way around the world for. It’s Dave and Kasia’s wedding day. We drove from Berlin to Gryfino in Poland. John followed us as it was his first time driving on the wrong side of the road. Mike made sure he ran every amber light, so that John would be forced to run red lights. It was a good initiation to driving in Europe for brother John.

Despite running red lights we made it to Gryfino in one piece. We found our allocated rooms which we were all happy with, except for Lynda who had been allocated a shoe box. Dave was at the venue and he was being followed by a photographer. They had put a mic on him so that everything he said was recorded. He told us about this, but one minute later we forgot so no doubt we have embarrassed ourselves before the Vodka shots even began.

We all hopped on a bus to go to the blessing at Kasia’s parents place. It was such a fun atmosphere on the bus and we even attempted to sing “Dave’s Responsible for the family name.” The blessing itself was an emotional affair. It’s the first time the groom sees the bride, unlike NZ where it happens at the church or venue. Kasia looked stunning as she glided down the stairs in her diamond studded dress. I could tell Dave was trying hard not to cry and I felt his emotion. The blessing took place in the living room, then we all piled on the bus again and headed for the church.

We found our seats in the church, only to be told we were sitting on the wrong side. That was Mike’s fault for leading us astray. We all moved to the “correct” side of the church and waited in anticipation. Excited chatter bounced around the walls in a language we didn’t understand. I felt embarrassed. Between us we managed to learn Spanish, French and German before we came away, but none of us made an effort to learn Polish. Now we were being punished as the strange words reverberated around us, taunting us, saying, I told you so. Or not. I can’t speak Polish so I’ll never know.

A nervous Dave stood at the altar trying to look brave, but his body language betrayed him. He looked dapper in his dark blue suit and tie, his hair gelled to perfection. I tried to catch his eye, but he seemed to be deep in thought, possibly thinking about his big responsibility to carry on the family name. Or not. I can’t read thoughts so I’ll never know.

A hush descended upon the crowd and the first few chords of ‘Here comes the Bride’ rang out from above. I pushed images of banana skins and fat brides from my mind. I always have problems in churches. I either have an uncontrollable desire to either giggle or cry.

All eyes were focussed on Kasia as she walked down the aisle, her proud father beaming at her side. I snuck a glance at my nephew and noticed his eyes were moist with emotion. I felt myself begin to well up, so I looked away and thought of happy thoughts. I didn’t want to blow my cover and become the sobbing Auntie.

A young and rather good looking priest ran the show. He performed the service in both English and Polish. We had been warned about long Catholic weddings, but it was like being at the theatre. The priest talked in his sexy accent, chanted for a bit, then the musicians would kick in with a soulful tune designed to bring tears to even the hardest of Aunties.

Dave and Kasia said their vows, kissy kissied, then it was all over. Mr and Mrs Millington led us to the party. We arrived at the reception venue (which was also where we were staying), and found our seats. There were two bottles of vodka on the table and some shot glasses. There was no way I would be doing any shots. Dave brought me my own special bottle of white wine. It was inscribed “Jo, you can sing, signed Wine.” I was really chuffed and felt so special.

Then the party started. We ate food, we drank wine, we did vodka shots and we danced the night away. Those two bottles of vodka I mentioned earlier were replenished several times by the waiting staff. As soon as one was finished, another one would come out. So all this talk about not doing vodka shots was lies. We all did them, even Barry.

At about midnight the games started. Mike and I got roped into a couples game called musical underpants. It’s like musical chairs, but with underpants. How it worked was, one of the couples would put on the underpants and when the music stopped, they would remove the underpants and their partner would have to put them on. The last couple to get the underpants on would be evicted from the game. I should probably point out that the underpants were going on top of our clothes. No naked bits were exposed (except on the last day, but more of that later). It turned out that Mike and I were really good at it, despite my leg being through the pee pee hole at one stage. Thankfully nobody noticed and we won!. Yep, we did and we won a bottle of Vodka each. How awesome is that!

At 4am the band stopped and we had to leave. It was already light outside as we staggered back to our rooms. I took some paracetamol, put on my sleeping mask (to block out the light) and passed out. Day one of the wedding was complete.